I'm sure this post is going to be relatable to those who love fiercely.

1. Keep his or her contact info. Memorize his number, email address, url, etc.
2. Do not delete him or un-friend him on Facebook or whatever social networking site you are both subscribed to. Then, constantly view his profile. Make sure you don't miss on any of his status updates, photos, or tags. While you're at it, keep sending him messages, cheesy-sappy ones.
3. Spray his perfume on your pillow and blanket.
4. Keep one of his old t-shirts, one that he's worn. Don't wash it. Wear it to sleep.
5. Let him know where you are, whether you're having fun with others or if you're being self-destructive. Hope that he'll care. Wish that he'd follow you. Cry when he doesn't.
6. Come running to him when he needs you. Let him know that all your time is his and nothing to spare for others. Don't let him wait, even a minute. 
7. Don't meet other people. Stay alone and mope all day, all night. Never let him see you with other people. Never give him the slightest idea you're doing fine because of other people.
8. Search for quotes or sayings about love, relationships, pain, break-up, or heartache. Feel like every single one of them's written just for you. 
9. Fill your playlist with every heart wrenching song you can find. Make sure you play them when you wake up, during the day, while you're asleep, while you're taking a bath, while you're cleaning the room you once shared with him and cry when songs like "One Last Cry" or "Let Me In" starts playing. Cry every single time because each song describes your miserable existence.
10. Watch romance movies. 
11. Read his letters or messages while you were still dating (preferably while you're playing those songs on your playlist). 
12. Never delete your photos with him. Look at them every time. 
13. Be extra nice to his family. Let them be nice to you.
14. Greet him on your anniversary or monthsary date. 
15. Go to all the places you used to go to with him or her. 
16. Be the extra pair of hands he needs.
17. Throw him surprises. Bring him food, for example.
18. Talk about him on your blog.
19. Constantly hope that you're good enough for him to come back to. Never stop dreaming that he still wants you despite all the pain you went through because of him. 
20. Lose confidence that you are worthy of a good life and believe that you deserve being miserable. 

Did I miss anything? There you have it! Enjoy being a sorry loser. I'm having ice cream later. That's as good as letting someone go.

I haven’t checked my other email account for a long time and when I finally did, I saw an email from a complete stranger telling me about her struggle as a single mom because her husband decided to leave her and their kid. Or something to that effect. She didn’t really go into the details. At first, I didn’t think it was for me, because why would anybody send me one?! The sender found my blog somehow and said that she can relate to me.

Towards the end, she asked how I was able to go through all of it and how I eventually became okay. I had to go through all my previous posts and check what I have written because I was pretty sure it didn’t look like I had it together during those days.

So for you, my first ever letter sender, the answer is I don’t really know. It took me a while to get my footing, that’s for sure. I don’t think there’s an easy way out. This would sound really sick, but you have to deal with the bullshit and pain head on just so you know exactly why you have to get out. You have to hit rock bottom so you know why you don’t want to be there again.

I’m sure you’ve read this somewhere and people have already told you that you should just value yourself more and believe that you deserve better. That you and your kid don’t need this kind of man. There’s a reason why everybody’s telling you that, because it’s true.

I promise you sister, the moment you start ignoring him and making yourself better, he will suddenly become insignificant in your life. Distract yourself. Put your attention elsewhere. Go out with friends, find a hobby, get a pet, work out, spend more time with your child, bond with your family, go to the salon, travel, enroll in crash courses. Be better at your job or learn a new skill. Your options are limitless!

I’m very sure you feel like you can’t do a thing but cry and sob and feel sorry. That’s fine, but you have to tell yourself repeatedly that you can’t be like this forever because it's so damn unfair to yourself, to the people who truly care about you, and most importantly to your kid.

Be proud of the love you gave this son of a bitch, but let it be just that. Give him all the love you can give but never give away your self-respect and dignity.

Pain is like fabric. The stronger it is, the more it is worth it."

The Fault in our Stars (Antonietta Meo)

A love story so sweet and true but equally devastating, Hazel and Augustus'. I never thought I'd cry so much over this book, The Fault in our Stars. It definitely made cancer patients look so bad ass.

Happy birthday to me!!!

One of the best birthdays I’ve had. I’m not one to make such a fuss about my birthday but friends and family made me really feel like it mattered.

I suck at saying thanks, so … Thank you!

I got these really early. Like what I said before, my sisters know me too well. I never thought I’d appreciate a purple bag before. Also, I love pink but I have never owned hot pink shoes ever.

I am not a morning person so I wasn’t exactly thrilled when my mom was screaming like crazy at around 7AM that I get my ass up because it’s my freaking birthday and the dad prepared breakfast for me. Not to mention that she was armed with a camera at 7 AM and she won’t stop taking my pictures when I’m at my loveliest state. Oh and yeah, she wrote a birthday greeting on Facebook exposing all of my deepest darkest (chos!) secrets, too.

Gifts from Myda and Micah! I love that Micah bothered wrapping it and leaving a note that I should probably wait until my birthday when she knows I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.

You have any idea what this could be? Cutest and girliest thing I own now.

Surprise! Well the whole thing was caught on video. But we have the worst videographer. Ever. Yes Ta Din, accept it.

I had to pull off some stunts before I was able to get these! So sweet.

Yay! Events team! I was usually the one preparing surprises and stuff but you did a great job hiding this whole shebang from me. I was completely clueless. (L-R: Micah, Trish, Ta Din, Myda, Yuwan)

And the cake! Good thing they remembered to leave some for me.

Pre-birthday lunch. So full!

Again, thank you so much for making this year’s celebration very special.

Here’s a little something the girls did. Can’t say I hate but hey, it’s the thought that counts.

Happy birthday to me!

“May bulaklak ka nga, malalanta naman yan!”
“Hindi naman nakakain yan!”
“Nakakataba kaya ang chocolates.”
“Dapat hindi lang tuwing Valentine’s nagde-date.”
“Yuck. Naka-red pa pareho!”
“Baduy mag-celebrate ng Valentine’s ha.”

I was never excited for this holiday. While it’s true that I hate couples who are PDA-ing, especially the ugly ones, I don’t hate the idea of giving your significant other flowers or gifts on this day. Or maybe treating them extra special just because everyone else is doing it.

The hate grew because well, I dated guys who are not romantic or sweet and I didn’t want to impose on them either so right before Valentine's, I'd tell them that I don't want any fuss. I'd convincingly tell them that I'm one of those girls who hate this holiday. Expectations are clearly set.

However, my sister and brother-in-law have had a completely idea. Ever since they've been dating, two occasions MUST BE observed well: my sister's birthday and Valentine's day.

All day, last Friday, my sister kept asking if I'll be home or if I'll be going out. Strange questions. When she didn't hear from me, she asked if something arrived in the house and I said there was none. Of course that ticked me off. The whole day I was nagging her on what it was and she wouldn't tell!

"Maya de Castro daw!", howled one of my co-workers one Tuesday afternoon. Weird. I'm usually the one ordering stuff for us in the office but we didn't order anything that day! We didn't have any idea of what it was. We thought it was the same thing that happened a year ago when food was delivered under my name (complete with all my contact details!) but I was mighty sure I didn't order anything. We went out, and lo and behold, flowers!

The girls and I giggled the whole time the delivery guy was unpacking and when we got inside the office. Everybody was teasing me. "Uy kanino galing?!", asked most of them. When I said it was from my sister and my brother-in-law, the awwwwws grew louder. One of them even said, "May sister din naman ako ah, pero di sya sweet."

Thank you so much Chong and Kimy. :) I was so proud carrying that box home and hitting lots of people with it while commuting home. Mother loved them, too! A million thanks for the really sweet surprise. Happy Valentine's Day!

*weep weep weep!*

No party or anything like that this year. Plan A was to watch Despicable Me 2 at either MoA or Robinson's Manila and head on to Manila Zoo or Museyong Pambata (or the other way around). But because of the weather and availability of the movie at those cinemas, we decided to watch at Festival Mall instead then the rest of the afternoon at Yexel's Toy Museum in Las Pinas.

Very proud of his minion!

"The family that plays Judo together, stays together!"

Is this line copyrighted? Because if not, it's mine. I made it up!

It's no secret anymore that everyone in our family is a judo player but just to be clear, my folks are not your average judokas. They're the best in their respective categories during their days. And from how my mom and others talk about my dad, he's the best (better than the John Baylon)! Yep, we learned from the freaking' best.

I’m forever thankful that our Dad raised daughters who will not take shit from anyone. Daughters who, despite their lovely faces, can kick ass. Thank you mom and dad for not making life too comfortable for us; we learned the right way.

Happy fathers' day Pa!

Kahit ganyan ka, lab ka namen. Lalo na ni Tetet. :D

P.S. Other pictures from today:

Seniors! Pot-pot, Ate Reeka, Me, and Jayson.

Absolutely! Here's how (in no particular order):

Start off by saying something really unique like "Hi" or "Hello" when sending messages so that you'll catch their attention right away. Better if you spell it like this "ElOw" or "mUztah?".

Mention in your profile and everywhere you can write on that you're a simple guy, living a simple life, who's interested in simple things, looking for a simple girl. That your role in this world is to make others happy.

Jazz up your profile picture. Do a duck face or a vain shot. Add frames, glitters, clip arts, whatever.

Make sure the captions for said photos are clear and they are not just fishing for compliments: "No make-up here", "Gosh, I'm so fat na", "Wazzzup bitchez?!"

Fill your profile with grammar errors, typos, unnecessary punctuation marks, etc.

After exchanging several messages with her, go for the kill. Describe your horniness, that it's beyond reproach and you badly want to fuck her.

If that doesn't work, try again! Never say die!

Be honest about how much of a jerk you are. She'll completely understand.

Say 'stuffs' or 'informations'.

Post photos of yourself half naked for all the world to see those flabs and hairy armpits cause they scream sexy and appropriate.

Use Photoshop as much as possible on all of your posted photos and make sure you're not recognizable from your real self.

February on Instagram I'm @miahmari

1. Ran out of milk. Slept with a sad heart. :(
2. Ipis killer! Peach scent.
3. Lunch out with the girls at Chicboy Molito.
4. Spiderman face paint addict.
5. Spicy beef noodles. 
6. One huge bowl of oatmeal love.
7. Baby sitting Deacon.
8. The comfiest running shoes. EVER.
9. End of the month and diabetes. There's a direct link.
10. Mommy Grace's birthday bash.
11. The best beer mate.
12. Started running again. Bilibid skies after five in the afternoon.
13. Jamie's POLK siomai from Chowking. 
14. Mommy Grace's pizza treat.
15. Family day and School fair of A-Plus International School at Palm's Country Club.
16. Deacon is ze man.
17. Coffee toppings: ANTS. 
18. Skirts galore. Upcoming project with the girls. So excited. 
19. Jurassic nails no more. Finally!
20. Burma Street at night. Tried running after 10 PM but couldn't.
21. Muchas Grasas kiddos! 
22. Bon Chon madness. Spicy mayo is the bomb.
23. "Kulang ka sa saging!" My mom would definitely say. My 2nd toe had a seizure of its own.
24. Dynamite that could launch LBM! 
25. Night out with Mica and Jamie at Faima. Right outside our company's gate! One round of free beer from the owner.

A week before today, every single day, Julian would ask, "Momsh, Family Day na ba?"

Then Friday, he asked, "Momsh, may pasok ba ko today?" I said, "Wala." He got a little bit worried then asked, "Pero Family day na bukas di ba?" The little man's very excited. I did not have any expectations either since I've never been to any event like it.

Everyone got crazy about the face paint. This boy's obviously in-love with Spidey!

He hit one!

Yes, the hair is now short and it will be shorter.

The little man's happy so that's what matters.

P.S. Thank you B2.

Because it is ...

the soft bed after a long day at work, with fresh sheets, and fluffy pillows.

the plush bedroom slippers after wearing tight shoes all day.

a Tuding's meal when you're really hungry.

the uninterrupted WiFi connection when you're downloading a movie or going for a chain kill.

the siopao given to you by your sweet boy.

the cool breeze on a hot summer night.

a tight hug after a shitty day.

an unexpected text in a boring afternoon.

the kiss after a big fight.

the warm embrace in a chilly night.

the hilarious meme your friends tagged you in.

an "I miss you so much" text after days of not seeing or talking to one another.

the extra "anything' that nobody wanted but you secretly wished for.

freshly brewed coffee in the morning.

money you thought you lost.

finding home-cooked Adobo that you wished for all day.

food, drinks, and stories shared with friends.

My Spiderman!

Julian: Momsh? Umiiyak ka ba? (Are you crying?)

Me: No, baby.

Julian: Di ka na ba love ni Daddy? (Daddy doesn't love you anymore?)

Me: *sobbed a little more*

Julian: *choked hugged me real tight* Love naman kita eh. Okay lang yun. Love ka naman ng baby mo. *smiled and choked hugged me some more* (I love you. It's okay. Your baby loves you.)

Me: *whined like a cry baby that I am*

but the most apt we can think of.

I'm sure the girls and I would have enjoyed a 'Magic Mike' thing if we had more dough to spend.

Resident maldita. "Wag blur ha?"

According to my sister, part of my obligations as the Maid of Honor is to do things like these. Well, of course I have thought about it but it was more of a good reason to go to a strip club or hire a stripper than to give my sister a bridal shower. That did not happen.

I have no idea how these things are done so I just gathered the girls and asked for suggestions. We were running out of time since we're:

1. not sure of everyone's availability, 
2. the girls are scattered everywhere, so finding a common ground was also tough, 
3. the bride arrived on the 8th and the wedding's on the 13th,
4. I wasn't sure if she can make time without her knowing about it, and last but not the least, 
5. no budget.

Good thing the coordinator and I are close. Oh yeah, the groom was the coordinator.

December 8, we still haven't agreed on anything. I was losing hope that we can pull this off. Good thing Ruz suggested a clever idea: "Ate, bakit di na lang sa Jollibee Vito Cruz? Di ba dun sya nag debut?" What a brilliant thought! Nice! Perfect place. It's cheap, common to everyone, memorable to the couple, and who doesn't like Jollibee?

I've read a couple of articles about bridal showers and there were a lot of things we didn't do like giving gifts, message/advice to the bride, the mom should be there, no groom present, etcetera. But what the hell? I think it went pretty well.

We ended up eating fried chicken, sharing rice across the table, sharing endless stories, snapping a couple of pictures here and there, laughing at random jokes, imitating annoying people (or was it just one person?) on facebook, and a little bit of coffee to cap off the night.

Well Chong, if any of us would marry again (I hope not you again or me!), I'll make sure we'd go for the 'Magic Mike' show. This I promise.

Kimy and Jewel (official tanggera)

The bride with the buntis

The buntis with the Maid of Honor, me!

At Starbucks (Torre Lorenzo) Balobo, Chong, Me, Diane, Jewel, Micha, Chrisha, Ruz

Balobs, the bride, the groom, Diane, Jewel, Micha, Ruz, Ate Reeka

Ruz, Diane, Ate Reeka, Jewel, Chrisha, Micha, Arkim, Len, Balobo

Still looking for the author/source of this one:

One day you’re gonna want that girl. That girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. The girl that believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else has ever appreciated. The girl who realizes she may never have your heart, but will carry the image of you in hers forever. The girl that sees this and still loves you. The girl that should have you, but doesn't.. Even though she deserves it.

Reminded me of 'The Meantime Girl'.

:'(

"Can I ANDRES you?" -- somewhat trending on twitter. LOL. 

 This week's been crazy!

SUNDAY:
Date with Julian. We're not going out this weekend because he misbehaved in school the other day. Teacher Jill's love letter was reaaaaaally long, I could not ignore it.

Slept til 10:30 AM. :)

MONDAY:
Lovely lunch. :)

Salon trip after 10 jurassic years!

TUESDAY:
I don't remember what happened last Tuesday, but I was able to finally complete a couple of tasks I've put off for weeks!

WEDNESDAY:
I just had two molars (one on the right, one on the left) extracted last Wednesday and while the whole procedure wasn't painful (at all), it's really not a good idea to have your teeth pulled from both sides. Eating became impossible after the extraction. Oh, and I'm getting retainers on Monday.

THURSDAY:
13th month pay! Weeeee!

Jen submitted her love letter. What a puss. Yes, Jehnie, you are a puss!

Andrew celebrated his x birthday today! Spaghetti (crowd favorite) and cake!

Eli, Jorlie, Jes, Joe, Din, Bey, Mommy Grace, Andoy - the birthday boy!, TL Carla

18th?! 18th?!

Coffee after work.

Din and Euke

Beyland and Nadzter! : ) Thanks for bringing me home!

FRIDAY:
Double pay!

Had brunch with the girls and Euke earlier at Chicboy, Molito.

Mango salad, Kangkong na ginisa sa bawang, lechon liempo

I'm still not sure what we're doing this Saturday. Sunday, we'll be at Koo's for the final fitting of the barongs and gowns! I'm getting mine finally! Plus shoe shopping after that. Monday, my retainers. I love this week!

The Internet is slowly taking over my life. Online food delivery, social networking sites, youtube, online stores, email, etc. Everything can be done online! Plus, I really get excited with deliveries. I love it!

What have you been up to?

My weekend's pretty packed and the best one I've had for months, I think. I'm still struggling, but just a little bit.

I love picmonkey's collage maker!

Clockwise:
1. Some nail lovin' after so many months! I was finally able to get my nails cut to a practical length and tried green polish (Moss) for the first time. I'd love to try some nail art soon.
2. Flowers: spent 50 pesos on some pink flowers from the market, an old soda bottle, some ribbon I got lying around the room. Yep, bought these babies myself. They were not given by anyone okay? You people are so hyped!
3. Fried chicken lovers! It's official. We, Julian and I, are endorsing Chowking's Chinese Style Fried Chicken!
4. Zooger. Julian's newest baby! He's convinced that Semo (the whale) is Zooger's brother (or sister, we haven't figured out their gender yet).

I now know how to keep myself busy with things that I missed doing. I'm spending more time with Julian now, doing silly things together. We've been going out a lot (I let him play in those play houses in the mall while I stroll and do some window shopping), eating out, watching lots of TV (Naruto and Spongebob!), he's teaching me songs from One Direction and Cher Lloyd, late night walks near NBP's sunken garden (where we practice whatever new dance moves he learned), taking photos, playing online games, and brushing our teeth.

Aside from spending time with my adorable (yet uber active) kid, I have practically more time for myself. I'm slowly working on giving my room a makeover (starting with flowers!). I have lots of time to sort stored documents (I have so much!). Aside from doing my laundry in just three hours, I also have time to iron them (while watching TV of course)! It's nice to come home to a peaceful place after a long day. Being alone late at night is more bearable, coffee in one hand and a John Grisham on the other.

I'm positive that I could be doing more activities in the coming days. Maybe I'll go for a run every morning starting December (another 30-Day Challenge!) since I can't train yet. I don't think there'll be much to do after work since all of my colleagues want to head home right away after 9 pm.

This drama is brought to you by Emperador Lights, San Mig Lights, Tanduay Ice, Fundador, Selecta ice cream, Chips Ahoy, Peanut Butter, free TV, and DVD marathon.

To those who've had their heart broken immensely in whatever way I'm sure y'all can relate somehow.

I hate it when people assume that I give a damn about what they think. Most especially when they feel like I'm asking for their opinion. Well fuck you all for saying that what I'm going through is nothing and that I'll be okay.

I appreciate the advice. Really really appreciate those people who just listened and never once said that "it's going to get better". The worst thing you can ever possibly tell a person who's not okay is "it's going to be okay". If you've been through the same shit, you know that while it's true, it's the most impossible thing at the moment because I'm living my life just trying to survive one day at a time.

I'm trying really hard keeping it together because to fall apart is the one thing I want and the only thing I can do but can't! I'm not even striving for happiness or finding someone to love me. I just want to stop feeling hurt and live like a normal person.

I don't expect people to understand or do anything for me because I have realized that this is something I have to do on my own. Friends and family helped a lot and I could have been in a worse situation if not for them, but it's only the loneliness, the lack of company they fill. This is a battle no one can fight for me. I have to do it alone.

I'm losing weight and I'm not doing it on purpose. I've been sick many times this past few months and I NEVER get sick. I drink every night just so I can sleep. If that doesn't work then I stay up all night. I don't like the shit hole I'm currently in because I know I'm better than this. I'm fucking better than this because I'm bad ass and I'm a good catch. Fuck, I'm a good lay!

So I'm not okay. I'm trying my best not to mess up but please just let me grieve and sort my shit out. I'm awesome, I know that. I'll get over this and move on. I have yet to find the good in this goodbye. For now, unless you're buying me drinks then fuck off.

Arkim and Len

1. The pictures turned out to be more awesome than expected.
2. Chong's red shoes were expensive. She's selling them to me. 
3. I can never do anything like this.
4. They looked so in love and happy in the photos. Everything looked natural.
5. I'm out of stuff to post.
6. I'm a proud bridesmaid! Booyah!