What's worse than finding out your inbox is full of cheesy shit? When you've kept them forever even though you have no use for them? Not really. It's when they start to describe the shitty hole you're in.

Sometimes you just sit and think, and you wonder if he can see it in your eyes, can he tell you still love him, that there’s nothing you would rather think about than the times he held you in his arms… Can he see the tears? They sure are there… Along with the pain and the loneliness that you bury deep down so you’re positive no one can tell. Sometimes you would give anything for a chance to show him how much he meant to you. You would give anything to make him understand, but you smile through it all. You talk like you always used to, the best of friends… And every time he smiles at you, a tiny little piece of hope springs up, but you crush it before it can give you away. So you hug him good-bye like it’s nothing, when all you want to do is hold on forever, but you let go, smile and walk away… Then cry all the way home because you know it will never be the same. Because try as you might, you can’t make someone love you, sometimes you have to let them go…
That is when love hurts the most.

Too lazy to google or to ask around about who are part of the entourage. Here are the designs anyway.

Maid of Honor Me!

What do you think of my gown?!

Ate Diane: Baka naman kayo talaga ni Jayson ang para sa isa't-isa? (Maybe you and Jayson are really meant for each other?) Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Waiting for your response Kuya. :D

Bernnie and Me Before randori

Me, Bernnie, Love

Food from Ms. Jenny's and Sir Rj's despedida.

From my instagram @daybuds

Bigger photos after the jump.

Bon voyage! 

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean we will miss you.
Until we meet again.


More after the jump

I hope I don't grow fish scales!!!

I present to you the best bagyo (storm/typhoon) food!!! Ever!!!

Sauteed Ligo sardines. They're supposed to be super spicy but I don't know what happened.

Garlic fried rice. With much love!

The best eggs!

Chong, Arkim, and Jewel, too bad you guys are not around to taste Jigs' awesomeness in the kitchen. Omnomnomnom!!!

Part of my 30-DAY challenge is to be able to train again. Thank you Mondays (and hopefully the rest of the week) for letting me train.

I had many sorts of bad luck today starting with the weather. I have a big gym bag and no umbrella and I did not expect that Taft is the new Espana! For how many years I've walked those streets and I've never seen that much flood water. Anyway, I left the office at around 4:00-ish PM and arrived at almost 6:30 PM.

So glad I brazed the storm and whatnot! I'm sore all over but the good kind of sore. My back feels like it's going to fall apart but it feels good. I missed the sweat, the soreness, everything! Three randoris later and I thought I was going to choke because I was out of breath. Hahaha! Also, I felt really old during training. Not just because I haven't played in a long while but because the players were YOUNG. Except for Jayson and Rj of course.

Another thing, I seemed out of place because everyone was NICE. Hahahaha! It was quiet inside the dojo and I'm not used to that. I feel more tired when I'm quiet. Anyway, it's nice to meet new faces inside the mats. Hopefully, I'd be able to train not just on Mondays (morning shift please...).

Me, Ate Reeka, Rj, Keith

Me, Ate Reeka, Jayson, Rj

P.S. Weighed-in and I'm 52.40 kgs! Almost there!

Another one from the vault! I think I've posted this already but I can't find it anywhere so I'm posting it again. This was forwarded to me by Gen a long time ago. I've no idea who the author is or from where she got this but I know a lot of people out there who will be able to relate. Thank you Gen for sending this to me.

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine.

You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool. Why can’t all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair.

You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t be around.

broken heartedness, fuckedupness, and all that shit. Are there any? Hell, yeah!

Awesome sound track: I'm so in love with devastating heart break songs and it has always felt inappropriate to like them when you're in a relationship. But now, I can freaking make a music video out of all these songs and no one would dare question. I can sing to my heart's desire and really mean every fucking word.

Star of any inuman: This one has a shelf life though. People will get tired of your whining after a few days or weeks or so. It really depends on your crowd's tolerance of whatever sob story you have and if you're the one buying the drinks.

Quotes and inspirational cards: Suddenly, every goddamn quote people post on facebook or twitter is relevant to you. You have all the reason to like, share, comment, re-tweet, or whatever and people won't really mind seeing your emo related activities because you're grieving.

Brings friends and family closer: I was overwhelmed with the concern and support from people I did not expect to be concerned at all.

Lose (an amazing amount of) weight: I would never have believed it myself if I did not do it for two weeks straight but I've barely eaten any kind of food. My body ran mostly on liquids: water, juice, tea, coffee (lots of it!), and beer (or any alcoholic drink but it's mostly beer). From 56.5 kilos, I'm now 52 kilos!

Those are what I have so far. Anything you want to add to the list?

I can never muster the strength or braveness to write to MMK or call Papa Jack about my current situation but how I would LOVE to! It's going to be hilarious! I mean, my friends and I will talk about it for a long time. It will always be brought up over beer or coffee and we'll all be entertained.

One thing I seriously considered though was writing to Auntie Janey. It's a column in Jessica Zafra's blog where people email in their problems and Auntie Janey would give them advice. I've been a follower for quite a while and I never thought I'd want to write. The thing is, I probably know what to do because I'm freaking good at telling others what to do about situations like this but like what they say, it's hard to follow what you preach (or something to that effect). So why do I want to write to Auntie Janey? Because I want to hear it from someone who doesn't know me or the people involved in my situation. I feel like it will be a good wake-up call.

I was already editing the draft and was about to hit send when I decided to browse through the published letters once more. Then I saw this letter that's somewhat similar to my situation. Well we're similar in one aspect only, that's, what to do now?

Here's the letter and Auntie Janey's response.

Anyway, here are parts of the response that really got to me:

I think you already know that you are just there to relieve his tensions, figuratively and literally. All the convenience without the corresponding obligations. Why should he make it more complicated by anointing you as his official girlfriend when he already gets what he wants without you making such a fuss about it? And as you yourself observed, if he wanted the two of you to be together, he would have already declared on Facebook that the two of you are in a relationship.

I'm not really interested in dating right now because I'm still hopia (hoping) for a miracle but I read this part over and over:

I think you will have a hard time letting him go and dating other men because you have spent so much time on him already. But, if you do want to date other men, the best exercise is to go out there and actually date. When we are constantly exposed to something, our defenses are eventually lowered because we are already comfortable with it. You have only gotten used to just one man and by allowing yourself to meet other men(meet ha not sleep with) you may eventually get used to them and be at ease. See less or no more of him and throw yourself into the dating circle.

And something I need to hammer to my thick skull:

It would be a bad idea to tell a man that you want to take things to the next level. “The Talk” will not do any good in your situation. You have been doing all the duties of a girlfriend or wife yet you do not have the official status. It has been going on for so long that I think you are just a buddy with benefits for him. A self-cleaning tissue, some mean people would remark(me).

If you're heart-broken or something, give the column a visit and Auntie Janey will surely fill you in with a lot of sense of self-worth and common sense. Please send in your letters. I'd read them with a hanky on one hand and beer with the other.