Don't ever tell me to "just move on."

4:45:00 PM

If I tell you why it’s hard to move on, would you stop telling me “Just move on. You deserve better.”?

It’s hard because you have to stop picking up your phone every minute and hoping a new message from him will pop up when you were very clear when you told him that you don’t want to hear from him ever again.

You have to stop staying up late every single night waiting for that familiar engine sound or that soft knock on the door that only he makes when he arrives.

You have to stop wishing the new email is from him.

You have to stop looking at your phone all day, every day hoping he’d call.

You have to accept that you’re not getting that heartfelt apology.

You have to stop crying like an idiot because his karaoke piece played on the radio.

You have to stop sobbing to death because you saw the thousands of pictures and videos you have of each other.

You have to stop thinking about what he’d say or do in a particular situation.

You have to stop worrying if he had taken his medicine at this hour.

You have to stop caring if he’s dating someone else.

You have to stop blaming yourself for being not enough.

You have to convince yourself that you did all you could.

You have to do many things alone.

You have to stop coming up with ways to get his attention, make it look like you had nothing do with it and that fate is finding ways to make you cross paths.

You have to sleep without him by your side, he won’t cuddle till you fall asleep, he won’t kiss your forehead every minute while you’re tucked at his side, he won’t whisper “I love you so much” when he thinks you’re already asleep.

You have to forget about those messages he sends you every day that make you feel loved and secure. 

You have to stop longing for his kiss.

You have to stop crying yourself to sleep.

You have to stop thinking about what went wrong, what you could’ve done differently.

You have to remove him from a life you built together.

You have to stop comparing everyone you meet to him.

You have to stop wondering why you fell apart.

You have to stop wishing that everything is just a bad dream and you’ll soon wake up. He’d be there, he’ll hug you tight, kiss you, and say that everything’s alright.

It’s hard because despite the horrible shit you’re feeling, you still love that person immensely.
You have to do all of those while he’s in arms reach, while he's lying on the other side of the bed, while you’re watching a movie together, while deciding on what dog to get, while you’re celebrating your anniversary, while he’s telling you that you’re the love of his life.

So don’t fucking tell me to “just move on.”

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