She knew.

8:33:00 PM

She knew it wasn't love.

She knew the moment he talked unabashedly about his past relationships on the first day they met. She took his boldness differently. Somehow, he was able to make the stories of his infidelity colorful and majestic, like there's nothing wrong with screwing up the people who love or like you, like it's the most natural thing to do when you're able to charm your way out of anything.

She knew it wasn't love.

She knew when he never took everything she said seriously. Like that one time her whole world fell apart when she found out that his sweet words were not hers alone. She told him that it crushed her. He asked for forgiveness like he meant it. He looked into her eyes and said sorry. She believed him, took him in again. She asked him to not hurt her again, but he did. Again and again and again.

She knew it wasn't love.

She knew when he'd always come back to her. He never leaves and yet he comes back from somewhere. He never leaves but he'd be gone for sometime. Then he'll come back because it never worked out with the others. They'd move on without him so he'd come back to her. He'd come back because they left him.

She knew it wasn't love.

He knows she loves him like nobody else can. He was broken in all ways possible and yet she took him in. She knew it was only a matter of time before she cuts herself loving someone like him. He needed someone to soothe the ragged edges. He needed someone who wanted to bleed. She would caress her wounds like they're some sort of badge of honor. He needed someone to make him love himself. He knew he was a monster and he needed her to tell him that he's not.

She knew it wasn't love.

She was preparing him for the next girl. She was teaching him how to take care of the next person. She was doing all she could to make him a better man, so the next person who comes along wouldn't have to try so hard.

She knew it wasn't love but she loved him anyway. She knew that he was lying through his teeth when he said that she's the only one. She knew he'd leave the instant he finds someone else. She knew he'd railroad her again just so he can get his fix. She knew he would never keep his word or honor her love. She knew he wouldn't let her go even if it kills her that he's with someone else. She knew he'd never change. She knew that no amount of love will ever make him love her as she loves him.

And she'll be okay. Not now, not soon, but she'll be okay. The universe has its way of healing those who love more than they could and should. At least that's what she tells herself anyway.

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